Heero's Egg
by rjones2818
Summary: Duo explains why Heero has an egg! How do the other 3 pilots react? Part 2: Revenge! Part 3: Reality. 1x2, 3x4. Rated for language and sexual situations.
1. Default Chapter

Heero's Egg  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own GW...doing this for fun...sort of.  
  
-Begin Story-  
  
"Maxwell, you are a baka after all!" Chang Wufei looked at the braided wonder and shook his head. "Do you expect us to believe the story you've just told us?"  
  
"As far as I can tell, it's the truth." Duo Maxwell did his best to look serious. The other pilots didn't buy it for a second.  
  
"On the other hand, it would explain a few things about Heero's oddities." Trowa Barton 's one uncovered eye looked impassive as he spoke. "I think we should at least pay attention to his actions now. After all, what do we really know about Heero?"  
  
Quatre, who as usual was quite rattled by Duo's story, nervously tried to sum up what he had just heard. "S...so you're saying that Heero is really a girl. An a..alien girl who looks like a guy, including his...his...." Quatre blushed and was so flustered that he couldn't bring himself to mention Heero's equipment. "And he lays eggs instead of gets pregnant, and he lays his eggs through his...his..."  
  
Duo looked at Cat in bemusement and finished the sentence. "His dick. That's pretty much it, Cat."  
  
"And you expect us to believe that. Plus the absurd notion that his period lasts 27 of 28 days, the only time he's not on is right after he lays his egg?" Wufei still wouldn't believe the braided baka.  
  
"Maybe that's why I'm so attracted to him. I'm Bi. He's a girl, but for all intents and purposes functions the same as a guy except for when he's laying his egg. And believe you me, when I say he functions...."  
  
Wufei suddenly grabbed for the tissue box as his nose started to bleed. "Enough already."  
  
"And yet, it does seem Heero's only happy maybe once a month, at least around us." Trowa looked thoughtfully as he considered the possibility.  
  
"I've managed to hack his laptop. He keeps a diary. Wanna see something really strange?" Duo asked.  
  
"You hacked Heero's laptop? Right! You of all people couldn't hack a loogie, much less a laptop, Maxwell." Wufei was holding a wad of tissues to his nose.  
  
"He keeps video files of me and him doing it. I can show you those to, Wu-babe!" Maxwell chuckles as Wufei's nose seemed to hit a gusher. He decided to let his friend off easily. "Let's go look at his diary. And Wuffie, I won't open the vids." Wufei was getting so weak that he couldn't even reply to Duo, but he followed the others to Duo and Heero's room.  
  
Duo opened Heero's laptop, and after a couple of tries, gained access to the desktop. "What'd I tell you! I'm a hacking fiend!" Duo smiled at his seeming accomplishment. "Now, here's where he keeps his reports. You'll notice that he's named them by date." The other three pilots all nodded in unison. "Cat, why don't you open a few and check to see that this is what they are?" Quatre sat in front of the the laptop and quickly opened and scanned several of the files.  
  
"They look like reports. He seems to have a big head about most of the events, but they're pretty much as they happened." Quatre made a mental note to check out why Heero had only used his own and Quatre and Duo's names, while mentioning Wufei and Trowa only as the pilots of the respective Gundams.  
  
"I found out a pattern. I did a search in file for the word 'happy' from the files in this directory. Look what happened." Duo stood before the screen and did the search. "Trowa, you're the best at pattern recognition and dates. What do you see?"  
  
Trowa looked at the screen for a moment. As he scrolled down the list, he looked shocked and the let out a gasp. "The files with 'happy' in them are exactly 28 days apart."  
  
"You guys are shitting me. Let me take a look." Wufei pushed Trowa out of the way and after a few moments realized that the unibanged sexpot was telling the truth. "By Nataku's Kitana! Maxwell's right."  
  
"H...Have you actually seen him lay an egg?" Quatre was now very nervous and hung on to Trowa for dear life.  
  
"He does that in private. Usually in one of the bathrooms. Y'know that time Wufei thought he caught Heero wanking?" Duo looked at the others. Trowa was smirking and the others were blushing at the memory. Wufei had also started bleeding again. "It's the closest any of us have come to seeing him lay an egg."  
  
The other three young men all pondered Duo's statement when the vidphone rang. Duo answered and Relena Peacecraft appeared on the screen. "Hiya, Relena. Wassup?"  
  
"Heero wanted me to call and tell you he'd be back in a few minutes. He just left." Relena had a perplexed look on her face.  
  
"What's wrong, babe?" Duo's slight endearment would never have been uttered if Relena hadn't finally come to her senses about the Maxwell–Yuy relationship. Heero's idea of playing Russian Roulette with the gun in Relena's mouth had been a really good idea.  
  
"Well, Duo, it was the strangest thing. When Heero came in for his regular security check, he was wearing a front baby carrier. The thing was, it only had an egg in it."  
  
Three 'eeps' were uttered behind Duo simultaneously.  
  
"And he was calling himself mommy and the egg Todd." Relena shook her head at the thought. "The most amazing thing, though, was that he would sing it lullabies. I don't know what you're doing with him Duo, but he actually seemed both happy and content."  
  
Duo smiled at the thought. He heard a car pulling up to the front of Quatre's mansion. "There's Heero." The other three pilots ran to the front window to see Heero as he got out of the car. "By the way, Relena. Do you and Sally want to come over for dinner Friday?"  
  
Relena looked surprised. She had thought that she had kept her dating Sally reasonably discreet. But, after all, Duo was a Gundam pilot. "That'll be fine, Duo. How about 8 or so?"  
  
"Kewl. I think we're planning lasagna tomorrow. Trowa's a pretty good cook, and Cat's pretty good at helping him."  
  
"Great, we'll see you then. Say hi to Heero. Bye!"  
  
The vidphone shut off and Duo walked over to the laptop and closed it. He snickered as he walked toward the other pilots. The three had looks of utter horror as they saw Heero get out of the car and go to the back driver's side. As he opened the door, they saw a baby seat. Heero reached in and unlatched the seat. As he pulled the carrier out, it was obvious what was inside. An egg. Heero then said "We're home, Toddikens. Mommy's just so happy at how you've behaved today. Let's go in and give daddy the biggest hug and kiss in the world."   
  
Before Heero could turn to head toward the house, he saw three figures rush from the front door yelling things like "Aarraugh...aliens", "Helllllllp" and "Thank Nataku I'm straight!" The Japanese pilot saw a laughing Duo in the window, so it was safe to assume that the three terrorized figures were Fei, Cat and Trowa.  
  
As Heero entered the house, Duo said "Hiya mommy! How's the sex-ed project going?"  
  
"Toddy's been a good boy and he wants his daddy to give him a kiss." Duo walked up to Heero and then kissed the egg. Heero put down the baby carrier and looked at Duo. "I don't think Todd will mind if I say thank God it's only for 24 hours. But mommy wants her kiss now!" Duo obliged in his most voraciously horny manner possible. After the kiss Heero asked "I assume what I saw with the other three had something to do with your psych class project?"  
  
"All taped and ready to go. You'll be glad to know that I don't have to give a presentation."  
  
Heero then gave Duo a lascivious grin. "Since the others will probably be gone for a bit, how's about us doing that mommy-daddy thing?"  
  
Duo grinned back, equally as lecherously. "You bet babe. And remember your the mommy for 24 hours."  
  
"I'll go get the lube, then. But I'll be back!" Heero walked toward their room with the most sexy sashay to his butt.   
  
When Heero got back, he was dressed in a pink teddy. He wasn't dressed for very long. In fact, he ended up on the sofa in front of the windows in record time. Somewhere during the mommy-daddy thing, Heero heard someone yell "Allah preserve us...they're mating!" but didn't think anything more of it.  
  
-End Story- 


	2. Part 2

Heero's Egg – Part 2  
  
-Begin Chapter-  
  
-26 days later-  
  
Whispering abounded as the pilots all tried to keep their nefarious plot from Duo.  
  
"Do you really think he'll fall for it?" the blond member of the group asked.  
  
"He'll fall for anything that's well planned out" said the Japanese pilot.  
  
"Justice, finally" came from the pony tailed member of the group.  
  
"This ought to be fun" said the unibanged sexpot.  
  
"Here's the fake blood you asked for. You should only need a drop or two." The blond bombshell handed the perfect soldier a small bottle.  
  
"We'll start at noon" the Japanese pilot stated, and all the pilots then went to their respective bedrooms.  
  
"You're up late, Heero." Duo rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Heero saw that Duo was already dressed for some, ummm, nighttime activity and Heero promptly stripped to join him.  
  
"I think I'll do the mommy thing, again" Heero smiled as he pulled his legs up over his head. Duo didn't say anything, for what could you say to such a sight. There was just time for action.  
  
-Noon, the next day.-  
  
A blood curdling scream was heard from the bathroom. Duo gave a start and said "That sounded like Heero!"  
  
"I think he's laying his egg, Maxwell." Wufei did his best deadpan.  
  
"C'mon Wubear, we told you that wasn't true." Duo shook his head.  
  
Heero came down the stairs in such a way as to make it look like he was sneaking around, but he made sure that Duo managed to glimpse him heading toward the Gundam Hangar.  
  
"I wonder why Heero's sneaking out toward the hangar?" Duo asked to no one in particular.  
  
"Probably wants to wank while on the Zero System again. Says it helps him to recover from his egg laying." Trowa's calm demeanor hid the anticipation he felt.  
  
"Guys, I told you to stop. You know Heero doesn't lay eggs!" Duo was beginning to feel frustrated.  
  
Suddenly the three pilots heard Quatre. "Ewwwww. You'd think at least he'd clean up after that egg laying."  
  
"That's it!" Duo charged up the stairs toward Quatre, who he planned to beat within an inch of his sweet, adorable life. However, as he turned into the bathroom, Duo stopped and gasped. On the floor was either, well, bloody cum or – or placenta.  
  
"Duo, just make sure he cleans up next time. And see if he washed his egg." Quatre looked innocently at Duo. Of course, in this case, Quatre was as innocent as the driven slush (and he reveled in the fact)!  
  
Duo stumbled backward, unable to speak for just that instant. It was at this moment that the vid phone rang. Duo stumbled over and answered. On the screen was Doctor J. "What's up, Doc?" Duo joked, without much success.  
  
"Ah, Duo. How are you. I'm just calling to let Heero know that Todd is doing fine and he wants to see his mommy."  
  
Duo stared at the screen and blinked absently.  
  
"Duo, is everything ok?" Of course, Doctor J was in on the joke and knew that by now, Duo was anything but ok."  
  
"I'm fine, Doc" Duo mumbled. "I'll tell Heero when I see him."  
  
"That's good, Duo. And I'm glad I caught him on egg laying day. I like giving him news on days when he can be happy! Catch you later." In the lab, Duo's image disappeared from the screen and Dr. J went over to Todd Noin. The tyke was happy when the doctor told him that Heero would be around in a bit to take him home to his mommy and daddy.  
  
Meanwhile, Duo was shaken to his very core. Didn't Heero call that egg from his class Todd? Duo was certain that was what the ersatz chicken was called. Duo decided to head out to the hangar and talk to his koi about what was going on.  
  
In the hangar, Duo could see the pilot's compartment was open, but the viewing angle was such that he couldn't tell if Heero were there. He climbed the gantry and walked across the gangway to the compartment. What he saw made him shiver as if hell had frozen over. Heero was sitting with a blanket spread across his legs. In the blanket was an egg. And the egg was connected to the Zero System. And what was worse was what Heero was saying to the egg: "You'll grow up to be just like mommy. And your friend Zero will tell you who all your enemies are. Oh look, there's your daddy. Duo, come over and give Mikey a kiss!"  
  
Duo screamed "Oh my god! It's all true!" and promptly fainted.  
  
"There, there Mikey. I'm sure daddy didn't mean to scare you." Heero snickered as he stood up and stuck 'Mikey' in his spandex. He then walked over to his koi and administered a shot of sleeping medication that would keep the braided baka asleep until tomorrow morning.  
  
-The next morning-  
  
Duo awoke, deciding in his grogginess that it had all been a bad dream. He could smell that breakfast was ready and stumbled downstairs to the kitchen. The other four pilots were seated already and having their meal. Duo walked to his chair, and before he sat down he let out an ear shattering scream an then yelled "Cannibals!" He then promptly fainted again.  
  
Heero looked up from his meal and smiled. "Looks like scrambled eggs were a bad choice for breakfast, eh?  
  
The other three pilots all laughed and high fived Heero, thanking him for helping them to extract their revenge.  
  
-End Chapter- 


	3. Part 3

Reality  
  
-Begin Chapter-  
  
Duo awoke, not with a start, but with a vague sense of awareness that things were as they should be. He remembered the breakfast that he had seen, with the others eating their eggs as if nothing was wrong. For some reason, this struck him as wrong, although he didn't quite know why.  
  
With a slight moan, the braided bakka rose and went to the bathroom to relieve himself and take his morning (well, noon) shower. When he was finished, and he went to dry himself, he decided that he would not braid his hair. This was unusual for Duo, but he somehow knew that it was right for today.  
  
Duo then dressed, as usual, in his black priest's outfit. He then headed out of his room and down the stairs. For some reason, he bypassed the kitchen and headed straight toward the den. It was at that point that he saw Wufei.  
  
Wufei smiled at his friend and said "Ah, Duo. You're finally up. Come and join the others. They've just started."  
  
Again, without quite realizing why, Duo knew that this was a perfectly normal and regular occasion. He had no worries as he entered the den, and was not surprised to see that the other three pilots were naked and seemed to be self-pleasuring themselves. Quatre and Trowa were, as to be expected, on one couch cuddled next to each other, and Heero was making room on the other couch for the American pilot to join him. Duo smiled broadly as he stripped, and felt a wash of contentment fall over him as he joined his koi.   
  
Within moments, Duo had joined the others in their endeavors, taking time from the task at hand to kiss Heero passionately. However, this was not the passion of lust, it was the passion of love and knowledge. As he kissed his Japanese lover, the reality of his life finally returned to his consciousness.  
  
All four of the pilots, in fact, were aliens. And they were, again in fact, in the process of laying their eggs. Duo now remembered that they were all from the planet Bishon (although, like all people on all planets, they called their homeworld Earth). He knew that all of the people from Bishon were, like the four pilots, in a strange way (for humans) hermaphroditic. They were both male and female, although they all appeared to be, by human standards, gorgeous young men. And, yes, what appeared to be gay anal sex was the way that they fertilized their partners eggs (I could go into the biology of it, but don't want to for now).  
  
Wufei, of course, was human. He had joined their group as a familiar. Bishonen, as the people from the planet Bishon are known, have come to our Earth at various times throughout history. Wufei's clan had, early in its history, been approached by early visitors and had become a part of the Bishonen order. The Chinese pilot was the latest in a long line of Changs that had served the Bishonen in the important capacity of nursemaid.   
  
As Duo continued the pleasure inducing egg laying ritual, he began to feel that greatest of Bishonen emotions, Smorf. Smorf is what is known on our Earth as Nirvana. It can best be described as a oneness with the Universe, that the pursuit of knowledge is the true meaning of life, and that love is the great unifying force for all sentient creatures.  
  
Duo also realized that the egg games that he and the others had been playing were an important part of his culture's advancement. He knew that his signaled that the first of his generation's offspring were ready to enter the world of men, even though the looked to still be children. It would be wonderful to see his children, as he and Heero had both laid eggs at the same time and they were the fathers of each others offspring.   
  
Soon, Heero began to moan, and Duo felt a fatherly pride as he watched his mate begin to actually lay his egg. And, yes, Bishonen do lay their eggs through their front plumbing (why do you think most, if not all, Bishies are hung?). He smiled as he watched the egg work its way up Heero's fleshy tube, and kissed Heero with great love as the egg popped out of the end. Heero's body shook from the pleasure and joy of the experience, for there was no pain involved in this exercise.  
  
Within a matter of minutes, Trowa, Quatre and Duo had all laid their eggs, and they all relaxed with supreme smorfieness. Each of the fathers held the egg of their mate and they all smiled radiently as they recovered from the egg laying process.   
  
Wufei finally entered the room with a baby carrier and put each of the eggs inside. He then headed out of the den. Before he left, he smiled at the other four pilots and said "It's time that you come and see your first born. When you're ready, come out to the hangar. I'd say we'll see you in about an hour or so." Wufei then left the room.  
  
That hour was consumed as you might expect. What happened was what you would expect to happen when you have a naked Bishonen laying next to his naked mate. And, yes, the egg fertilization process was begun again for all four of our Bishonen pilots.  
  
-End Chapter- 


End file.
